I’m not sure what to write today…
Not sure what words to type across this page to encourage someone else, I stare at the blinking cursor waiting for me write.
My heart aches, I feel dried up, spent, tired oh so tired. I ache to help a hurting friend- but the truth is there is nothing I can do. Only He can wrap His arms around her and pull back the broken pieces of her heart. Only He can make beautiful the broken ugly places. Not me.
I find my thoughts lingering around prayers for her, always coming back to them like the sound of a baby crying draws you from sleep. They pull me away from the world of work and to-do lists until I quietly find myself here, in the window seat watching the birds flit back and forth to the feeder and a squirrel wander through the garden perhaps looking for some patch of color to brighten it’s dreary winter days.
Everything in me wants to storm the walls that surround her, tear them down piece by piece, draw her back to the world of the living. But the walls are too high, the gates fused together their hinges rusted. Brambles grow high around the wall to keep out all who dare to harm- and yet she is her prison keeper.
Lord be a friend to her, draw her from her walls. Teach her to live again. Show her that no tunnel is so dark that your light can’t be found at the end. Show her the lies the devil has whispered to her heart, awaken a fire in her to rise and fight back.
You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 1 John 4:4 NIV
I’ve found in our utter weakness, in my pain and sorrow in my brokenness He shines through like never before. As if the threadbare places can barely contain His goodness because He is good. Never changing, when the whole world spins wildly out of control. In my uncertainty He is my rock, never moving or swaying, He’s my constant. He’s the lighthouse in the midst of my storm when all I can see is the waves coming to swallow me.
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31 NIV
We’ve found ourselves making some huge life-changing decisions lately (aren’t they all really?). Some of them have left me feeling like I just plunged into a stormy sea- battered, terrified, lonely so many different emotions mixed into one unexplainable mass. And yet He is there when the panic begins to rise. He illuminates just the step before me, not the whole path just one small step. Like a small exercising of Faith, perhaps He knows that the entire path would overwhelm me and all I can handle is just one step. It’s teaching me to live in the moment, waiting with Him instead of dashing ahead on my own.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. “For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior Isaiah 43:2 NASB
Perhaps uncharted is the best way to explain this month and the many to come. Uncharted, learning to sway with Him, wherever He leads. Like a dance, you aren’t sure of the steps yet. Following to places you never expected, terrified and strangely exhilarated like the moment before the roller coaster takes off. Something tells you to get off while you can, but something tells you to stay where you are because the ride will be so worth it.
Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
“Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.”