We talked about all the ways we were going to do things differently. It was just yesterday- 8 hours ago. This year we are going to take time for us- for love. For our relationship. He said he was going to stop working so much overtime and spend more time with the kids.
This year we will take that vacation! How about up to the mountains in that cabin like we always wanted, or maybe Disney for the kids- Then in a heartbeat its all over.
CPR and sirens, flashing lights and paramedics and you’re gone.
Childhood sweethearts not a widow. Mommy and daddy not alone. Parents not a single parent.
All those hours wasted. All those words left unspoken. All those moments I can never get back.
The times we slept with our backs facing one another in petty anger. All those silent treatments. All those times I failed to hug you. All those times I didn’t call I love you- as you sailed our the door.
It is our first Christmas without you- and I don’t know how to do this, I don’t know how to make it be all bright and happy all alone.
The things I took for granted- like the way you ate the cookies leaving just the crumbs behind or the footprints from the fireplace, leaving just a trail as a sign. How can I do this without you?